Pampered Pregnancy – Blissful Birth

I had written this two weeks before I gave birth to Vincent at 4 in the morning, and this that I’m writing now, is also in the middle of the night.  Maybe I really am part bat.

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When I first came to GetBabied, I was alone.  I had a husband in California, that barely supported my decision to keep my child, and an ex best friend (the Donor) in Texas, that barely wanted to live more than he wanted to end it all since I was keeping his child.  My family thought I was insane for going through with a pregnancy that was conceived in such a taboo manner.  That I could believe that I was fit enough to take care of a child, especially one of such origins, was beyond my family’s perception.  I was not only alone, but I was branded as completely and irrevocably broken.

I was worried at first that I would be seen as broken, and as a deviant, by the women at GetBabied.  I knew my situation wasn’t terribly unique, but I also knew that I couldn’t face anymore rejection after I try to explain myself.   But what I got in response was not rejection, but of compassion and kindness.

I was still scared to come to the Meet the Doulas Nights, and nervous that maybe someone at the Collective would figure out my charade, that I actually was less than.  That never happened.  In fact, the opposite occurred.  I felt more able to go through with my plans, no matter that I was alone and broken.  I started feeling more capable as a possibly single mother.

I kept coming to the meetings, and I joined a class with Megan, the Hypnobirthing class.  I knew that if I was going to have my baby, I had to be a strong character.  Broken can’t be part of a mother’s character if she wants her children to be strong and capable.  I am incredibly grateful to Megan for putting up with me and being so patient, since it was just me in the class, and I happen to ask a lot of questions!  All the doulas are amazingly patient with my questions, and I really do appreciate that.  I felt like despite the issues at hand, with the support of the wonderful women at the Collective, I would be able to not just overcome them, but TRIUMPH over them.

I wish my words could express the magnitude of gratitude I feel to the women at GetBabied, but it seems no matter how much I write and rewrite a thank you letter, it’s never enough.  Everyone at the Collective are such amazing and wonderful people, whom I am so thankful to have gotten to know these past months.

Epilogue (for now [because I felt that part one of this letter was a bit dreary, and needed to have a finished, lighter feeling to it!]):

The Donor became slightly rational enough to realize that he didn’t know what he wanted, but he wouldn’t try to stop me from raising my son in a way I thought was best (at this point, without him involved legally).  This is the best case scenario.

My husband, after lots of talking, and me coming to California several times to discuss things in person, decided he wanted to be there for both me and my son, now, our son.  My husband’s family has completely adopted our son as part of the family, and don’t judge the past that I felt was so scathing that it couldn’t be forgiven.   I am blessed to have such loving and pragmatic in-laws and a more than understanding loving husband.

My family, since I really meant that I want to take care of my little boy, and that I will do anything to make it work, have become believers.  They now all support my decision, and are thrilled about the debut of the first grandchild in the family.  I’m no longer considered broken, but as a mother with a child that deserves love and respect, no matter the origins.  I couldn’t ask for more.

If I didn’t have the ladies from GetBabied, I’m not sure I would be as confident of my ability as a mother as I am today.  I’m still nervous, and I have a couple more weeks to go (hopefully!), but I know I can do this.  I am not broken, and I am a strong and confident hypnotoad (my personal mantra for my labor).  The strength, kindness, wisdom, and sheer generosity of the doulas have been more than anyone could ever ask for.  Thank you all so much, from the bottom of my heart.

Much love and respect,

Laura.

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Now that it has been almost 4 months since I wrote this, and I had already meant to write two separate thank-you notes, I finally can finish and send this off to you all.

I love you guys, I really do.  I miss everyone from GetBabied, and am sad that I’m so far away, and am unable to visit you all on the MTDNs or the postpartum potlucks.  We’re hoping to be moving back to Austin soon, but since us moving back depends on my husband’s job either being transferred, or him getting a new job in Austin, I’m not sure when that will be.

Every time I use my Brestfriend pillow (which is ALL THE TIME, it has been a god send, especially with Vincent’s issues with latch, and the tongue tie!  It literally made breastfeeding possible!), I remember you guys, and how thoughtful and awesome it was that you all threw me a baby shower.  I honestly only really had you all at GetBabied (at least for a long while) as my supporters, and I really couldn’t have asked for a better support team!

It’s been so much different now though.  All my family, Nick’s family, everyone, has been incredibly loving and supportive to Vincent and myself; it’s been unreal, it feels like a normal life that I never thought I’d be able to have.  I will always remember you guys as being my awesome possum doulas team.

Thank you guys, for everything.  I really don’t know how I could have done everything without you all, you were all my brick and mortar sanity check when things felt all aflutter and out of control (and honestly, in ANY pregnancy, that’s an incredible boon!).

Laura, Nick, and Vincent <3 <3″